Title: When Matrikulasi Doesn't Go as Planned, How Does Life Move Forward?
Date: 4th September 2024
Author: Ms Lee Li Li, Clinical Psychologist

After entering puberty, we encounter increasing amounts of resistance. This can range from minor issues like being ignored by friends at lunch, being rejected on a date, or experiencing conflicts due to disagreements within a team, to larger obstacles such as being kicked off from a sports team, losing an election in a club, or failing to get into college.

These challenges, whether big or small, can cause varying degrees of hurt. Some people may feel discouraged, others might be resentful, and some may even question their own self-worth.

Is a life free from obstacles indeed the best option? Rejection is the complete opposite of being accepted, valued, or appreciated. Both experiences can leave a deep impression on a young person's heart.

Thus, receiving a rejection letter from Matrikulasi might make some students feel that their hard work in high school was in vain or even make them doubt whether their goals are achievable.

For adults, these might be seen as “minor obstacles” that can be overcome with a bit of effort. However, for teenagers experiencing rejection, the psychological pain is real and cannot be ignored.

To avoid resistance, some teenagers might choose a safer path, but this can result in losing the courage to pursue their dreams and declining enthusiasm for life. In reality, obstacles are a part of life. Opting for a "safe" approach doesn't necessarily improve life; sometimes, it can make one more vulnerable.

So, when faced with resistance, why not consider how to embrace it and navigate through life's challenges to create a remarkable journey?

For teenagers dealing with resistance, it's essential to focus on feelings and thoughts. These two aspects are interrelated in a cyclical manner: feelings influence thoughts, and thoughts also affect feelings. Therefore, both should be addressed simultaneously, as ignoring one will not alleviate the pain caused by resistance.

To reduce the negative emotional responses to resistance, consider the following four points:

1. Acknowledge Your True Emotions

When facing resistance, do we choose to avoid emotional pain? Do we ignore or downplay the challenges?

For example, when an application is rejected, people might say, "It's okay. There are other schools to consider." However, such comments don't address our inner feelings and thoughts and may intensify psychological harm.

Rejection can leave us feeling lost, helpless, and in pain. Understanding and listening to ourselves is crucial rather than telling ourselves, "The pain doesn't matter."

Expressing our inner pain, discussing the specifics of the rejection, and articulating our emotions are the first steps toward overcoming them. Recognising and understanding our emotions as normal reactions, we can identify their causes, form new perspectives, and better handle future situations.

2. Stay Calm and Objective

When faced with an unsuccessful application, some people might express thoughts like, "I shouldn't have been rejected," or "There must be a mistake." In reality, such angry reactions only intensify our negative emotional responses.

We can better understand how to address the resistance and manage the situation by remaining calm and optimistic.

3. Seek Advice from Those with Experience

Elders who have faced similar setbacks can accurately articulate our feelings and help us better understand our emotions.

Therefore, it's beneficial to open up a dialogue with them. By learning how they recovered from their challenges, we can gain valuable insights and inspiration to help us navigate our obstacles.

4. Recognize Negative Thoughts and Transform Them into Positive Motivation

When negative thoughts enter a cycle, they can form core negative beliefs, leading to decreased self-esteem and a sense of inevitable failure, causing us to avoid future challenges.

Everyone has an inner critic that can make us feel negative and discouraged. The key is to choose how we perceive these criticisms.

We can list out the thoughts that come to mind, discuss the feelings associated with them, and then explore ways to reshape them into positive thinking. Once this transformation process becomes internalised, we can use it to face challenges and setbacks better.

Resistance and rejection are unavoidable parts of life. We can either resist or use them to make our lives more vibrant and robust.

Instead of retreating under the safety of parental protection during difficult times, we should use these moments to become stronger and better versions of ourselves. Every individual has unique lessons to learn in life.

Notes: The above content was adapted from ‘Dreamic High Schools Vol. 33' pages 44 & 45, on 4th September 2024. For further information and assistance, please contact us.