The consulting psychologist, Ms. Lee Li Li has recently attended a live broadcast on Ai FM 89.3/106.7. The broadcast was held on 1st May 2018 (Tuesday), at 10a.m. It is aimed to investigate the topic ‘Are you comfortable with letting go of your child?’

Many parents usually worry about how to give appropriate freedom to their child when the child is in his or her adolescence. According to Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development, formative years comprise eight stages from infancy to adulthood. Self-identity development occurs between the age of 12 to 18 years. During adolescence, children are very concerned on how others view them. This will later dominate how they view themselves. Throughout the process of exploration in identity formation, children will develop a self-concept that he or she believes defining him or her. Failure to establish a sense of identity can later lead to role confusion.
Many parents think that by giving their child to go out with friends means giving freedom to him or her. However, this is just a surface, not the core. In fact, children need psychological freedom. Children will gradually develop cognitive maturity with the psychological freedom giving, whereby he or she is able to think about the suitability of choices.
Parents should let their children having rights to choose since young age. When a child is young, parents can use multiple choice method in guiding their child to choose for the one he or she likes. When the child is in his or her adolescence, parents need to do some self-adjustment. Parents are now encouraged to be an adviser while asking and guiding the child to make his or her own choice. Parents can certainly continue with the use of multiple choice method as before but they need to respect the opinion expressed by the child.
When parents give their children the rights to choose, they must follow these five rules. First, parents must understand and respect the novelty and venturesome pursued by their children. Second, parents must listen to their children regarding the reasons for his or her choice. If parents do not agree with their children, they can provide more options related to the issue to inspire their children to think again. Third, parents should not criticize the choice of their children. Parents must learn to respect the choices of their children although there are opposing with theirs. They can continue to lead the child to rethink but need to avoid criticism as it will cause the child for having refusal in sharing. Fourth, parents must respect the privacy needs of their children. Fifth, parents need to be consistent in their words and actions. The inconsistency in words and actions will reduce the children’s sense of trust towards the parents and may generate confusion in life values.

Note: The above content is extracted from Ai FM 89.3/106.7’s program ‘Are you comfortable with letting go of your child?’ on 1st May 2018. For more information, kindly contact our office. We are pleased to assist you. Thank you.