The consulting psychologist supervisor, Ms Lee Li Li, shares about the topic “How to continue instilling value on disobedient teenagers Part 2?” at 10:am. at Ai FM (Live) on 25th July 2017.

The communication techniques between parents and children are very important. The purpose of communication is to improve the quality of relationships between parents and children rather than achieving objective. Communication enables the parents and children to understand the different thoughts and opinions exist between each other. In different thought, parents and children are capable to learn to reach for mutual understanding.

Argument arises when the teenagers’ thought is incongruent with their parents, for instance during the decision making of teenagers’ future career path. Teenagers may comply with their parents’ decision unwillingly. Whereas parents may also unlikely to follow the decision made by teenagers due to parents tend to think that parents’ decision is always right for children. Communication should always conduct before or after an event or incident, instead of in the aftermath of an event or incident happened. Nitty-gritty things in daily lives can lead to arguments happen in a family which this argument does not necessary mean fight or quarrel with each other, which it can be a demanding request from parents to coerce their children to follow.

The six criteria of communication tips between parents and children when talking on an issue:

1. Respect
Parents do not need to highlight the word “respect” in a sentence when communicating with their children (e.g. I respect you, therefore, you have to respect me in return). In fact, the value of respect can be instilled through a polite and respect tone in a communication. For example, “My child, can we have a talk?”

Before an incident happen, parents should communicate with children in a respect tone to reach for mutual understanding. Parents should express their feeling toward a particular incident honestly by using more of “I” or “Me” statement rather than “You” statement.

2. Concern
The parents should not show concern to children in an emotional way. Parents can share about their previous experiences to let the children make their own decision about the right way to solve issues. Parents may also share how they feel about the incident happened to their children.

3. Trust
Trust is having faith and belief on someone from the bottom of a person’s heart rather than saying out loud.

4. Recognize
Parents have to acknowledge and recognize their children when they did something good. At the meantime, parents may encourage children about their good action in order to increase the desirable behaviour presented by their children.

5. Calm
When child failed in doing things or made mistakes, parents should talk to children calmly. Have the children to hear about your thoughts and opinion about the mistakes rather than the negative emotional content embedded during the communication.

6. Respect one’s privacy
Do not ask or invade into teenagers’ privacy deliberately when they did not feel like sharing about it.

Why does teenager want to have privacy?

• They would like to keep their own secret.
• They do not believe their parents.
• They do not want to tell or share at that moment.

Why does teenager want to hide things from parents?

• Shy: There are many first experience that teenager shy to tell their parents. For example, their first love.
• Ashamed of themselves: Teenagers are afraid to tell their parents about the mistakes which they made. For example, when they break a promise to parents.

How should parents let go of their children to learn to be independent? The parents should learn to let go of their children since they are young. For example, parents have their children to tidy up their school bag as well as do homework by themselves. Allow school teachers to handle them when they do not complete their homework. Through this way, parents may build up the confidence toward their children and have more trust on their as they grow up.

In conclusion, apart from the material supports from parents, social support such as parents’ companion and care are indeed essential for children to develop. As a result, the effective parenting should be based on the six criteria of communication mentioned above.

Note: The above content was received from Ai FM on the topic “How to continue instilling value on disobedient teenagers?” on 25th July 2017 (Tuesday). For further details, please contact our administration office. We will have our psychologist to advice you further. Thank you.