Sharing session “I did not mean to nag, my children”

The consulting psychologist supervisor, Ms. Lee Li Li, shares about the topic "I did not mean to nag, my children" at 10: 00a.m. at Fo Guang Shan (Malaysia) PJ SS3 on 11th of June 2017 (Sunday).

Q:
Teacher, my children require me to nag frequently to do their daily tasks to the extent that I have to count one, two, and three or even bring out the cane only they will do their tasks immediately. What can I do?

A:
• Children are actually very initiative in doing a lot of things such as watching television, playing computer games and etc. However, when comes to do serious tasks, they actually know and heard all your nagging, just they choose to be apathy and remain to ignore.
• Encouragement and be thankful. When children reject or procrastinate in doing house chore, the reaction that display by majority of the parents are from gentle tone then escalate to anger and furious, sometimes the anger may even develop into implying punishment and threaten the children in order to complete the tasks.
• Regardless of whether children comply with instruction or not, parents should always replace condemnation with giving encouragement and support continuously in order to let the children know that they can actually do better. Parents may lead and coach their children by doing the tasks together.
• Be a role model. Lead by example. They see how you did than what you say.

Q:
Why children tends to put serious tasks aside and require me to ask them complete the tasks repetitively?

A:
Try to think! Whether there is something more interesting that grab their attention than doing serious tasks. For example, playing games, watching television will definitely give them more fun than completing homework, sleeping and eating.

Q:
Teacher, how do I educate my children in managing their time between doing serious tasks and entertainment?

A:
Let your children to give you a solution rather than you giving them the answer directly. This also helps to improve their problem solving skill. For example, it is now bed time but your child show no sign of going to bed but watching television or play games, you can communicate with your children by guiding them to think which is more important to do. This is because parents never able to be with children all the time to remind, therefore, nagging is only a temporary solution which is not able to tackle the main issue of children not wanting to complete tasks initiatively.

Q:
My child has a bad habit which is I have to keep reminding and asking him to have meal. Sometimes he even ignore me.

A:
• Children like to challenge and test the limit of their parents’ rules and reactions. For example, children may try eagerly when they did not obey the instructions, what would be the reactions display by their parents. If they let the parents to keep on nagging, will they receive scolding or punishment?
• Many times, parents will just give in when children said they did not want to have meal but want to continue to play. In fact, parents should insist and stand firm when children did not have meal during meal time, they should not being allowed to have meal after meal time. Parents may keep the food and communicate with their children in order for them to perceive this matter seriously. Never try to give in by thinking it is only one time you allow them to do so, which this can lead to them feeling confuse about the principle of parents.

Q:
My time is already insufficient, but most of the time I am the one who help to complete the tasks and homework which they are responsible to complete.

A:
• Regardless how much the parents nag or remind, the outcome is never what the parents hope or expecting for which parents are helping the children to complete the tasks eventually.
• It is important for parents to insist and stand firm about what have been said. Parents who not give in actually able to cultivate children about being responsible and bear the consequences by themselves.
• Children nowadays less likely have the opportunities to understand their parents’ devotion to them due to parents always appear and remain neat and glamorous before and after working. Therefore, children may not able to understand how much hard work and unconditional scarification that parents devote to them.

Note: The above content was received from sharing session at Fo Guang Shan (Malaysia) PJ SS3, titled “ I did not mean to nag, my children” on 11th of June 2017 (Sunday). For more details, please contact our administration office. We will have our psychologist to advice you further. Thank you.