Ai FM Live: Letting your Children Learned about Death

The consulting psychologist supervisor, Ms. Lee Li Li was invited live to Ai FM to share the topic of “Letting your child to learn about Death” at 12 pm, September 13th.

The true concept of death was rarely being explained to children especially in the traditional Chinese family. Besides of fearing that the children could not understand this topic well, parents are rather concern that this topic would frighten them instead. In fact, parents may introduce this topic gradually based on their cognitive development without pressuring on their psychological health.

Under 3 years old – No concept of death

Children at this age have no concept of death, they will only understand the world in terms of “exist” or “not exist”.

3 – 5 years old - Having an initial concept of death

Children in this stage understand death is ephemeral; characters may revive after death just like what they seen through cartoons. At this stage, parents have to begin teaching them the basic understanding of death.

Firstly, have the children grasp initial concept of death through pictures and scenes in picture books and life educating reading material. For example, understand the life cycle of living beings (humans and animals). Secondly, parents may take the chance to educate their child on death especially when attending beloved ones’ funeral. It is important for parents to answer their children truthfully when they asks (e.g., the deceased has passed on and they will not return). At the same time, parents may answer them through own religion (e.g., the deceased has gone to a better place - heaven). In psychological perspective, children are allowed to participate in funeral. Provide them an opportunity to speak out their thoughts and these benefit greatly on their psychological development. In this process of death introduction, parents has to be aware on children’s emotion. When children start to cry due to anxiousness, parents may embrace and comfort them that parents will always be there to give them the sense of secure. Apart from that, parents can guide the children to understand that elderly will pass away due to old age. It is still not suitable to discuss on death in various ages in this stage as children will still feel anxious and discomfort about death.

5 - 9 years old – Cognitive development begins to understand that death is eternal

Although children have grasped some concepts of death at this age, they would still think that death is able to being controlled, where grim reaper or angel is able help to stop the occurance of death.

At this stage, have the children to observe the nature and understand the cycle of natural phenomenon (e.g., sunset and sunrise; changes of water to vapour). Let the children to understand that life is a circle and they are constantly rotating. Moreover, introduce them the true meaning and origin of Ghost Festival and especially Ching Ming Festival. For instance, introduce the meaning of Ching Ming Festival is to commemorate the ancestors. The feeling for the commemorating can be both joyful and upsetting in order to ensure a balance emotional development in children. For example, parents may share about the happy time with the deceased and expressing the sadness of losing them at the same time. There is no need for parents to hide the grief, but parents are suggested to avoid crying in front of the children.

Above 9 years old – As Cognitive Development is mature and ready to have an in-depth discussion about death

At this age, parents can explain death in more detail; this may includes explanation through own religious. Besides instilling the concept of death, parents can educate children about hospice care. Children is able to learn to accept the death of loved ones, and methods to get along with them. This allows the child to become more receptive to death. Parents may begin to explain the impermanence of life (eg, humans don’t have to be old to death). Children learn to be grateful and considerate in appreciating everything that he have. In addition, parents must prepare that child to have any questions about the subject (e.g. why do people have funerals? / Can I choose the design of funerals now?) Parents should take note of these queations seriously, try to instill the most authentic information and meaning of ‘the end of life’ to our children.

Note： The above content was being recorded from Ai FM on the topic ‘Letting your child to learn about Death’ on 13th September 2017 (Wednesday). For further details, please contact our administration office. We will have our psychologist to advice you further. Thank you.